A lie and a bullet
by SydneyNeverExisted
Summary: "What was the point of living anymore of I knew I would never be able to redeem myself in his eyes?" Shizaya/Yaoi. Let me know if you want me to continue this? Rated T for mentions of smut.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just a quick, tragic Shizaya I wrote the other day. Posted it on my Izaya Orihara Facebook account, decided to out it on here. R&R! I just might make a part two!

* * *

I had always wondered what made him hate me. What did I do to him? I didn't even say two words to the guy at first; I only spoke to him after he said that I pissed him off. What was it about me that pissed him off, though? Was it the fact that I didn't wear the standard school uniform? Was it my taunting smirk? Or, maybe it was my eyes. If you were to ask anyone at our old high school, they would all agree that my eyes were frightening; they were crimson red, after all. (The only one who didn't hate them was Shinra; he was simply /infatuated/ with them.) Maybe he just had an instinct... Shizuo probably knew that I was bad news from the beginning. I mean, my body language, I admit, screamed that I... In ones eyes... Could be some sort of criminal. I had been sitting down on the bench outside, one foot on the ledge, and one leg dangling down. My shoulders were slightly slumped, and I was a bit hunched over.

A lot of people believed that I was up to no good. And I wasn't. I'm still not.

I don't know what made him hate me; I really don't think I ever will. But, I don't hate him. How could I? Shizuo Heiwajima was simply beautiful... His dyed blonde hair framed his face perfectly, and while he was the strongest male in Ikebukoru, he didn't look buff; he was skinny, and really tall. And he looked incredibly gorgeous in that bartender getup that his brother got him a year back. And, while I claim to hate him, and while I claim with my life that he is a monster, I know this is not true. How could I ever hate someone as perfect as Shizuo?

But I know I should give up on him. He hates me, and there is nothing I can do to change that. Even after the times we've spent alone in each others arms, sharing steamy kisses, ripping each others clothes off, he still tells me that he hates me, that he will kill me, and that the sex we had meant nothing to him. I lied through my teeth, telling him that I agreed, and then kicked him out of my house.

No. Every time he has said that to me, every time he leaves me in my bed all alone, my heart breaks a little more. I couldn't keep living that way. I needed to tell him that I loved him with all of my heart. I loved him like I could never love a human. I was simply infatuated with him.

I knew where he would be around seven. He would be on his way back from work, smoking, cursing at all of the idiots that he had to deal with on an almost daily basis. This would be the only time I would be able to approach him without others being around him. So, what did I do? I grabbed my jacket and cellphone, walking out of my house. I wasn't skipping like I normally did. In fact, I was nearly running, afraid that if I didn't get to him soon, he would already be gone. When I got to the corner of his street, I saw him.

And, automatically, my heart broke to a million pieces.

He had some brown haired girl pressed against the wall, kissing her gently like he had never done to me, his arms wrapped around her waist so light that it almost seemed as if he were afraid to break her. Her arms were loose around his neck, and she was pulling him closer.

I couldn't tell him. I couldn't.

Tears welled in my eyes, and I let out a strange sound from the back of my throat as I tried to hold back a sob. I couldn't tell him...! I turned around and just started running. I didn't know where to, but I just ran. I needed to get away, I needed to get that image out of my mind.

I ran back home, pulled my hood over my head, and let the tears slide out of my eyes and down my face. "Damnit!" I cursed under my breath before taking in a shaky breath. I pushed the door open to my apartment, looking around quickly. I grabbed the camera I had stored, then ran to my safe in my bedroom. Opening it, I grabbed the small gun that was inside. I hesitantly put it on my bed, before sitting down on it.

What was the point of living anymore of I knew I would never be able to redeem myself in his eyes?

"... If you're watching this, Shizuo, then this means that I decided to go through with it. I don't know why I'm making this video. I really don't. But, I hope you're happy. You caused my death. You ended my life. Maybe you didn't actually take it away, but you made me pull the trigger to the gun. I loved you. I never hated you. But, because of that... What's the point anymore? What's the point of being alive when the only person that made you happy is happy with someone else? Promise me one thing; don't come to my funeral. You never cared. So, why bother showing up? ... I love you, Shizuo Heiwajima. And goodbye."

After I made this video, I walked to his house and put the camera in front if the door. I knocked a few times, but quickly ran away, and headed to the nearest ally, gun in my hand.

I put the barrel of the gun to my temple, knowing there was no going back now. Putting my finger on the trigger, I felt a small smile etch on my lips.

_"Flea!"_

My eyes went wide in shock, and I pulled the gun away for a brief second. Shizuo...? He stood in the ally, right in front of me, eyes wide. He wet to say something, but due to the shock, my finger slipped, and the trigger was pulled back.

I heard him yell, and I heard the bang of the gun. My body collapsed; I was bleeding out. Dead.

That was what I hoped, anyway..


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! I really appreciate it! I was gonna wait until tomorrow to upload this, but, I couldn't help myself. (: R&R! 3

* * *

Shizuo's_ Point of View_

Honest to God, I can say that I spent the first few days away from work; I couldn't sleep, I refused to get out of bed, and I couldn't stop crying. Me, of all people, had cried because the flea had shot himself right before my eyes. My mind was scarred... I couldn't get that image out of my mind. It haunted me constantly... Even after a few days, every time I would shut my eyes, the image of him laying on the ground in a pool of his own blood.

_And it was all my fault._

It's been a week since the flea had shot himself. He had survived, and he was awake. Everyone was shocked; apparently, the bullet had stopped digging into him just before it hit the brain. He would have to be in the hospital for about two weeks after he woke up. That means he had about... A week and a half to go until he would be able to go home. I needed to visit him... To tell him that I was sorry. To tell him, that even though I didn't love him... I would try.

_[Somehow, I knew you would show up.]_

I looked up at the Dullahan when I heard the typing. I stayed outside of the hospital, feeling too nervous to actually go in and see him. Damn, I felt like Masaomi when it came to Saki; it was my fault that the person who loved me was in the hospital, and I couldn't even face him. "... Yeah. I felt like I had to, since it's my fault this whole thing happened." I explained with a slight shrug of my shoulders. If Celty had a face, I knew that she would be smirking. She went to type something else, but I just walked into the doors, not wanting to hear -er, I mean see- what she had to say. Besides, if I didn't go in the hospital at that very moment, I probably never would have, which would have ruined my entire future. I checked in with the nurse, asking her where the stupid flea was. She pointed down the hall, saying that he was in the third room down on the right. I thanked her quietly and walked towards it, not even bothering to knock as I walked into the room.

My breath got caught in my throat as I saw him. His knees were pulled to his chest, and his red eyes were cast to the window. A gauze was wrapped around his entire head, and there was a bit of dried blood that had soaked through, making it stain. I couldn't help but wince at the sight. He didn't seem to notice that I was in the room. Hesitantly, I cleared my throat, and his head snapped in my direction. We stared at each other for a few moments, neither of us saying a word, until I finally spoke up.

"You're a real dumbass, you know that, right?" I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest, biting on my lip tightly and letting out a small sigh. "Well, if it wasn't for a stupid protozoan, we wouldn't be in this situation right now, would we?" He sneered back, turning his head to the side. My eyes cast to the ground. He didn't want me here... Was I surprised? Not really. He wanted to die, and I ended up saving his life by calling an ambulance.

It was my fault that he wanted to die. It was also my fault that he is still here. Running a hand through my hair, I walked over to the bed, before climbing onto it and straddling the male. His red eyes went wide, and the heart monitor sped up a little bit. His entire face turned a small shade of pink as well. ".. Why didn't you just tell me, flea?" I asked him in a soft voice, putting my hands on either sides of his head. "Why didn't you just tell me that you were in love with me? Why did you go and shoot yourself...?"

Tears welled in his eyes as he bit on his lip tightly. "Because, Shizu-chan. You were with _her_. You didn't need me. So what was the fucking point?! Besides, killing myself would've been a good thing for you. You wouldn't have to deal with me if you didn't return my love. Obviously, though, you don't. Because if you did, you wouldn't have made out with some _attention __whore_!"

_SMACK!_

The tears that were once in Izaya's eyes slid down his face, and he put his hand to the side of his face where a large hand print was visible. I looked at my own hand, seeing that it was raised, and held my breath. I just... Slapped the only person in this whole damn world who would ever love me. But, could you really blame me? I was angry. Way more than angry. I was pissed off beyond belief. "That 'attention whore'... Was my girlfriend. Keyword _was_." I snapped as I stood and got off of him. "She broke up with me because of the video. She broke up with me because she thought _I _was cheating on her with _you_, of all people." A low growl escaped from the back of my throat. "It's your fault she broke up with me, flea. If anyone here is the attention whore, it's you."

He didn't say anything; he just looked to the side and bit on his lip even tighter, making it bleed. "I came over here to tell you that I don't love you. But, I was going to try to. Just because I hurt you. Because I needed to make up for all of this. But, now, forget about it. You had no right to call the girl who I thought I loved an attention whore." I stood up from the bed and glared at Izaya's small form. "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life, flea." I spat, walking out of the room and clenching my fists at my sides.

When I walked out of the room, a hand grabbed my sleeve, and I knew who it was automatically. "You might wanna stay away from me right now, Celty." I grumbled under my breath. She let go of my sleeve, grabbing her phone to type something out to me.

_[You were a little harsh on him, don't you think?]_

"Shut up." I simply growled, storming out of the hospital. Looking back, I'll admit that I was harsh on the flea. But, at the time, and in my head, he fucking deserved it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **It's much easier for me to reply to reviews here, since it would take a while for me to actually respond to each review individually.

RandomRio: Ahah, I'm actually surprised I was remotely close to keeping Izaya in character! I've never been good at making a depressed Izaya; this is a first for me! But, thank you the critique and review! ^^  
Akatsuki Fatale: Wahhh! Don't hate on Shizuo! He really couldn't control himself; you know how he gets when he gets angry! But, you're smart, I was thinking about maybe another suicide attempt. (Though, maybe not for Izaya again.) Thanks so much for the review!  
Akari Yukimura: I'm glad that I have such an effect on you! You're one of the only people who gets the creeps and emotional when you read my stuff. :3 Thanks for the review!

* * *

_Izaya's Point of View_

"Look, just because I suffered a bit of a... dilemma last month," I started with clenched teeth, "it doesn't mean that I am not able to do my job properly." My mood in the past few weeks have gone from extremely depressed to extremely _pissed_. I lost my one and only chance with Shizuo by saying that his stupid, slut of an ex girlfriend was an attention whore, and now Shiki's practically telling me that I suck at my job right now! Not to mention, the medication and constant visits to the doctors office have started to become a huge pain in the neck.

Shiki, my boss who is part of the yakuza, only put his hand on the side of my face. "I know, Orihara-san; you're work for me is still as amazing as ever, but... I just think that you need t take a bit of time off to clear your head. I don't want to take any risks of you fumbling." He told me in a soft voice as he rubbed the side of my face. Pulling away from his touch, I turned around in my chair. "You can go now, Shiki." I simply stated with a lack of emotion in my voice. Without another word, my boss stood and left my house, closing the door lightly behind him.

The one thing that took my mind off of _him_... And now its gone!

Growling, I crossed my arms over my chest and spun around in my chair a few times. Well, what the hell was I supposed to do now? Going to Ikebukoru would be a complete disaster' the moment I step foot into that place, Shizuo would come running, threatening that he was going to kill me this time. But, he wouldn't just threaten. He would probably go through with it if he could. Though, even if he did, I don't think I would hate him. No, I definitely wouldn't hate him.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when my phone started to ring. With a sigh, I leaned across my desk and grabbed it, briefly looking to see who was calling. After a moment, I answered. "Hello?" I asked, biting on my lip for a moment. "Mr. Orihara, we would like to verify that you are coming for your one o'clock appointment tomorrow." A woman's voice said from the other line. I shut my eyes, and thought for a moment, before I nodded my head. "Yes, I will be there." I simply said. I hung up right after that, not wanting to hold a conservation.

I had twenty six hours until my appointment tomorrow. But, what to do, what to do? After fiddling with my fingers for a few moments and grabbing my jacket, I walked out of the door to go to Russia Sushi. I know that I said that I couldn't go back to that city, but I hadn't had Ootoro in so long... I was craving it badly. Luckily for me (or not so luckily), Ikebukoru was the city next to Shinju-ku, so I didn't have to walk for very long. Stepping into the city, I glanced around and couldn't help but smirk. My humans were the same as ever; rushing around, extremely bust, it just brought me so much joy and happiness! I walked along, admiring my humans as I did. Oh, I had missed them so much... But I wasn't here for them.

Not now, anyway. Maybe later, if I don't run into Shizuo during my visit here. I skipped around before walking into Russia Sushi. "Ah, Izaya! It's been a long time!" I heard Simon yell. I only waved to the Russian with a grin before sitting down at one of the empty tables. Quickly, I looked around, before smiling in satisfaction. Shizuo wasn't here. "Thank God." I mumbled under m breath, pulling my hood over my head with a sigh. One of the waiters walked over to me, asking what I would like to order. "Just some fatty tuna..." I ordered, looking out the window. My eyes went wide, and my breath got hitched in my throat slightly.

Shizuo seemed to notice me, as well, since his chocolate brown eyes met my own. Tears automatically welled in my crimson eyes. Damn, not again with these damned tears! I looked away, shutting my eyes tightly. Suddenly, my eyes went wide, due to hearing a light knock on the window. With a sigh, I turned my head back to the window. Shizuo, who was now just on the other side of the glass, motioned ,me to go outside. I let out an inaudible groan; I really didn't want to talk to the protozoan right now. "It can't be helped." I lightly muttered, before telling the waiter to box my meal. After paying and leaving a tip, I walked out of the restaurant and approached the fake blonde.

"What do you want, Shizu-chan?" I asked with a small smirk crawling up my face, though, my heart was breaking on the inside. He pushed his periwinkle glasses up and bit his lip. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that his shaking hand showed that he was nervous, not angry. "I wanted to apologize... From when I visited you..." He whispered to me, looking down at his feet. I winced, remembering when that had happened. he had left me quite a bruise when he smacked me... And, every time it was brought up, I could practically feel the pain on the side of my face all over again. "... You really hurt me, Shizu-chan... I'm not sure if I could ever forgive you for that..." I mumbled truthfully under my breath, rocking back and forth on my feet as I studied his facial expression.

His face showed a look of... Remorse, almost/ Like he actually felt sorry about what he did to me. He wasn't really sorry, though, I was almost positive about that. Shizuo was a monster that didn't really regret anything that he did; the only thing Shizuo was ever sorry about was when he would hurt people who he didn't want to hurt. So, no, he wasn't sorry because he wanted me dead. His brown eyes went up to meet mine, but I quickly looked away, not wanting to tremble under his stare like I feared I would. "I know you won't forgive me... But... Let me make up for it. I'll do anything." The blonde whispered as he shoved his hands in his pockets. I perked up a but, blinking my eyes. _Anything__?_ My heart fluttered, but I stopped myself from getting to excited. I wasn't going to force Shizuo into a relationship. Without a second thought, I opened my mouth, unable to control the words from spilling out. "Just stay away from me, Shizuo! I never wanna see you again!" After that, I ran. I ran away from the man I was in love with, tears streaming out of my eyes. I ran, not expecting him to follow after me.

But, like always, he did something unpredictable; he ran after me.

* * *

Me: Well, what did you guys think? Make sure to review! It'll make me upload faster!

Shizuo: Tch, I'm sick of this series already.

Me: Shizu-chan...! ;-;

Izaya: Shizu-chan! Stop being so mean to the author!

Shizuo: Whatever... R&R, or I won't make out with Izaya next time.

Me: THAT WASN'T IN THE NEXT CHAPTER ANY-

Shizuo: SHH. JUST GO WITH IT.


	4. Author's Note - An Update on Things

Oh, God. I haven't updated in a long, long time. I apologize for that, my lovelies. School has been stressing me out lately, and I just haven't had a lot of time on my hands. It's not fun, really. I'm going to try to get a few more chapters in this weekend - I have the rest of the series written out, I just need to actually type it out.

The rest of the story, it's... Very rushed. So, don't make any comments about that because I know. I know that it's rushed, and I know that it's going to be terrible. But, I can't /not/ finish this story. So, I made it shorter than I originally wanted it to be.

One last thing - because it is rushed, I will be lowering the rating to T. There will be no smut. Mentions of it? Yes. But, because I am incredibly lazy to type out a smut chapter, I won't. Oh, and remember these words;

Happy endings are overrated.


End file.
